NICOLAS KLIM’S UNDERGROUND JOURNEY
by Ludvig Holbergtranslation © Dennis List, 2000
CHAPTER 3
In which the author observes various practices of the Subterraneans, receives a less favourable Testimonial than he had hoped for, and begins a journey to the royal court.
A Description of the City of Keba
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During the course of my discipline under the Karatti, my host walked around the city with me, showing me the curious and interesting sights. We walked around without being disturbed, and - even more admirably - without any crowding or jostling. This was very different from how it is with us, where people crowd to see anything new or uncommon, to feed their curiosity. The inhabitants of this planet have little taste for novelty; they pursue only solid things.
The name of this city is Keba, and it is the second most important in the whole Potuan empire. The inhabitants are so sedate and grave, you’d swear they are all Senators. Age is particularly honourable here, with more deference paid to old people than anywhere else - not only in sentiments, but also in looks and nods.
It surprised me, though, that a nation so sober and modest as this should be delighted with comedies and some ludicrous shows and spectacles that were staged. These did not seem to fit in with so much gravity.
“Through these dominions,” said my host, “the subjects divide their time between serious matters and frivolity.“
Saturnumque gravem nostro Jove frangimus una.Among other laudable institutions of this empire, there is an indulgence of innocent pleasures. By these, they believe, the soul is strengthened, and prepared for its more arduous duties. And this indulgence also dispels the black clouds of melancholy, which are thought to be the source of riots, sedition, and malicious counsels.Therefore they intersperse the harder work with sports and plays, happily tempering seriousness with pleasantry, so that the first does not degenerate into sourness, nor the latter into impertinence.
It was not without indignation I noticed that academic debates there form part of the shows and theatrical performances. At certain times of the year, bets are laid and prizes given to the winners. The disputants engage like a pair of gladiators, on the same sort of terms that fighting cocks or other battling animals do with us.
Thus it was a custom among the Great to keep a set of debaters, like we do a pack of hounds, and to give them a logical education, so they can be fit for engagement at the stated times of year. A certain wealthy citizen, over three years, had made prodigious winnings - as much as 4,000 ricatu - from a debater he kept for that purpose. This debater, with an amazingly voluble tongue
Diruebat, aedificabat, quadrata rotundis mutabatby capturing syllogisms, and every artifice of logic, by distinctions, reservations, and exceptions eluded every opponent, and silenced whomever he wanted to.I was often present at these entertainments, but it vexed me. It seemed to me a horrid and shameful thing that such subtle exercises, which do credit to our schools, should here be prostituted on the stage. And when I remembered that I myself had debated in public, with the highest applause, and earned a laurel wreath, I could scarcely withhold my tears. Not only the argument, but the method of arguing annoyed me. They hired certain stimulators, called Cabalci in their language, who (whenever they noticed the debaters’ ardour flagging) pricked their sides with lancets to rekindle the argument and rally their declining spirits.
Other things, through shame, I omit, though in such a polished nation I had to condemn them. Apart from these debaters (called in their tongue, contemptuously, “wranglers”) there were other trials of skill between beasts, both wild and tame, and also between birds of prey. These were exhibited to paying spectators. I asked my host how it was possible that so judicious a nation could think of leaving to the theatre these noble exercises, in which speaking skills are acquired, truth is discovered, and understanding sharpened.
He replied that, in past times, these exercises had a high reputation among their barbarous ancestors. But they had realized that disputes stifled the truth, and made their young people petulant and forward. This had caused disturbances, so these activities were transferred from the university to the playhouse. These days, by reading, silence, and meditation, students made far more progress with learning. I was not altogether satisfied with this reply.
In this city there was an academy where the liberal arts were taught, with the utmost decency and solidity. My host took me to the auditorium of this school one day, when a Madic, or doctor of philosophy, was to be created.
To begin the ceremony, the candidate made a learned and elegant dissertation on natural science. When that was ended, the governors of the school entered his name in the register of doctors, who had the right to teach publicly.
My host asked how I liked it. I replied that it seemed a might dry business in comparison with our own academic system. I explained to him how masters and doctors were created among us: by exhibiting their skills in debating.
At this, contracting his brows, he demanded to know the nature of our debates, and how they differed from the Subterranean. I replied that they were usually on curious and learned subjects, particularly relating to the manners, language, and dress of two ancient nations which formerly flourished in Europe. I told him that I had written three theses on the slippers of the ancients. On hearing that, he laughed so loudly that it made the whole house ring. His wife, alarmed with the noise, flew out to find out the cause. I was so much out of humour that I disdained to answer her; I thought it a burning shame that such a grave and solid matter could be treated with ridicule and contempt. But when her husband told her the story, she laughed just as violently.
Word of this got around, causing great amusement at my expense. The wife of a senator, a great laugher, was so delighted that she almost burst with laughter. Soon afterwards she accidentally died of a fever, and it was thought that her death was occasioned by that immoderate laugh, which had inflamed her lungs. Though they were not quite certain that this was the case, this was whispered. Otherwise, she was a matron of a fine understanding, and a most useful lady. She had seven branches, which was rare in that sex. All the better sort of trees were greatly concerned at her death.
She was buried at midnight, outside the city gates, in the same clothes she was wearing when she died. There is a law that nobody can be buried in the city, because they believe that the air can be corrupted by the smell of carcases. It is also a law that bodies must be interred without any funereal pomp, or rich dresses, because shortly they will be the food of worms. These seemed to be to be very wise rules. Yet they had feasts in honour of the dead, and also funeral orations, which simply contained an exhortation to live virtuously, and put before their eyes an image of mortality.
At these funeral orations, the Censors were present, to observe whether the orators unjustly exaggerated or decried the character of the deceased Thus the subterranean orators were very sparing in their praises of the dead: to give immoderate praise was punishable by law.
Not long afterward, when I was going to one of these funeral orations, I asked my host what was the state and condition of the departed hero. He replied that he was a herdsman who died suddenly on the road to the city. On hearing this, I burst into laughter, in retort. “And pray,” says I, “why not have bulls and oxen, those companions of herdsmen, make the funeral orations? They can supply matter just as well, for that is what it is.”
My host told me to spare my jesting: in these dominions herdsmen were held in the highest esteem, because of the excellence of their duties. No way of life, he added, was more honourable than agriculture. Every honest and industrious farmer was regarded by citizens as their feeder and foster-father.
From this arose the custom that when, each autumn (the month of palm trees) arrive in the city with a procession of corn-laden carriages, the magistrates meet them outside the gates, and accompany them into the city with trumpets and other musical instruments, as if in triumph.
At this strange account I was struck dumb, remembering the hard fate of our own herdsmen, groaning in slavery. Their work is looked down on, in comparison with people who pander to our pleasures; cooks, poulterers, perfumers, and such like. I admitted this to my host, begging him not to tell other Subterraneans, fearing that they would pass unfavourable judgements on mankind.
Having promised secrecy, my host carried me to the hall where the funeral oration was to be made. I admit that I never heard anything done more solidly, more truthfully, or with as little flattery as this. I thought this an excellent model, which all funeral orations should follow. The orator first described the virtues of the deceased, then listed his vices and failings, warning the audience to avoid these.
As we returned from the hall, we met a criminal in the custody of three keepers. This offender, by court decree, had lately undergone the Punishment of the Arm (as they call the bloodletting) and was not to be sent to the public hospital or lunatic asylum. On asking the reason for this sentence, I was told that the criminal had argued publicly about the qualities and essence of the Supreme Being. This was prohibited here: all these over-curious arguments are thought to be such supreme folly and rashness that a person of sound mind could not make this mistake. Thus these disputants, after the venae-section, were, like madmen, locked up until they recovered from their delirium.
“Ah!” I thought to myself, “What would happen to our churchmen, who we hear every day arguing about the quality and attributes of the Deity, about the nature of spiritual beings, and other mysteries of that kind? And what would become of our metaphysicians, who with their transcendental jargon pretend to a degree of wisdom far above the vulgar, even above human nature itself?” Certainly, instead of hoods, caps and other academic honours, which are so liberally granted to them in our world, here they would be shown the way to the public hospital.
All this, and other equally paradoxical things, I noticed during the time of my probation in the seminary. Finally the appointed day arrived when, by order of the Prince, I was to be taken to Court with a testimonial. I flattered myself that I should have the most honourable praises and approbations, due partly to my own accomplishments (after all, I had learned the subterranean tongue sooner than could be expected), partly to the influence of my host, and partly to renowned integrity of my judges.
At last my Testimonial was delivered to me. I opened it with delight, impatient to read my own praises, and concluding from that what my destiny would be. But as I read it, I fell into rage and despair. This is what it said:
In obedience to the commands of your Serene Highness, we send you the animal that lately arrived from another world, calling itself a Man. We have carefully instructed it in our seminary. Following a detailed inquiry into his skills and manners, we have found him to be docile enough, and extremely quick to learn, but of such weak and uneven judgement that he can scarcely be considered a rational creature - much less to be admitted to any important office in the government.But since he is swifter of foot than any of us, it is our humble opinion that he is well qualified for the post of king’s messenger.
Given at our seminary of Keba, in the month of Brambles, by your Serene Highness’s most humble servants,
Nehec, Jochtan, Rapasi, Chilac
On reading this, I went to my host in a torrent of tears, and humbly implored him to use his authority to get a milder testimonial from the Karatti, and that he should show them my university degree, which described me as “ingenious” and “honourable”.
He replied that my degree might carry weight in our world, where they perhaps value the shadow more than the substance, but that it would be of no value of them, as they penetrate into the inmost nature of things. He exhorted me to bear my fate as temperately as I could, as the testimonial could be neither revoked nor altered, as there was no greater crime than to ascribe undeserved virtues to a person. But what comfort lay in the power of words, he gave me:
— Verba facit, quibus hunc lenire doloremWith these and many other protestations of friendship, he asked my to As to the testimonial of the Karatti, he added that they were the most incorrupt and upright judges, who could be bribed by no presents, awed by no threats to recede a hairs’-breadth from truth. Therefore, there was no room for suspicion in this case. Also, he candidly acknowledged that the poverty of my judgement was a thing not unobserved by himself. He inferred from the readiness of my memory and the quickness of my understanding that I was not that sort of “wood from which Mercury was to be made” and that I could not possibly meet with preferment because of that remarkable defect in my judgement. He had gathered, from my conversation and descriptions of Europe, that I was
Possit et ingentem morbi partem removere:
Ne cures haec, quae stulte miraris et optas.
Quos non praecipitat subjecta potentia magnae
Invidiae? mergit longa atque insignis honorum
Pagina: namque homini, nimios qui captat honores,
Et nimias venatur opes, numerosa parantur
Excelsae turris tabulata, unde altior illi
Casus, et impulsae praeceps immane ruinae.Stultorum in patria, pravoque sub aere natum.With these and many other protestations of friendship, he asked my to prepare for my journey, without delay. I followed the advice of this wise person. Necessity required it: and it would have been rash to oppose the order of the Prince.We now began our journey, in company with some other young trees, which had left the seminary at the same time, and were being sent to Court for the same reason as I. Our leader was one of the Karatti, who on account of his age and weak feet was carried by an Ox. It is an unusual thing here to have vehicles, which are indulged only to the decrepit and diseased - even though the inhabitants of this planet have more reason to use vehicles than our own people, because of the slowness of their gait.
When I gave a description of our vehicles, our horse-drawn coaches, into which we were stuffed like so much baggage, and drawn through the city, the Subterraneans smiled at my story - specially when they heard that nobody was envied by his neighbour unless he had a coach and was drawn in it through the streets by a pair of sturdy four-footed beasts.
With the slow motion of the trees, our journey took three days, even though Keba is hardly four miles from the capital. Had I been alone, one day would have been enough. It was pleasant to me that I could walk faster than the Subterraneans, but it grieved my soul that for that very offence I was condemned to a lowly occupation.
In fact, I wished that I shared their infirmity, for then I might have escaped this low, ignoble drudgery. Our leader, overhearing me, replied “If nature had not made up for your lack of judgement by some bodily excellence, everybody would regard you as an unprofitable load on the earth. Your very quickness allows you to see only the surface of things, and not the substance. And since you have only two branches, you are inferior to the Subterraneans in everything that depends on the hands.”
Hearing this, I thanked God for giving me swiftness of foot. Without that virtue, I had no chance here of being regarded as a rational creature.
During our journey, I was surprised to see all around me the natives so intent on their work that when our party came past, nobody stopped working, or even looked up at us, even seeing such an extraordinary sight as myself. But at the end of the day, when they finished their labours, they engaged in all kinds of mental amusements. The chief magistrate connived, tolerating these diversions, which relieved and strengthened the body and mind: something as necessary as food and drink.
This and other things made the journey very pleasant. The whole country is perfectly beautiful. Imagine a spacious amphitheatre, such as only Nature could make. Where Nature was less profuse, all was supplied by the work of the inhabitants, who were encouraged in their rural work and improving their land by rewards from the magistrate. If anybody allowed his lands to fall to ruin, he had to work for hire.
We passed many attractive villages: so many that they looked like one continuous city, with a similar look all the way.
We were sometimes bothered by monkeys from the woods, which ran around us. From an affinity in my shape, they imagined I was one of their race. They continually teased me with their approaches and touches. I could scarcely suppress my rage when I found how much this amused some of the trees, for I was taken to the Court (by express order of His Majesty) in the same costume as I had landed on that planet- namely, with my harpoon in my right hand. This was so that His Majesty might see the dress of our world, and particularly my own appearance on my arrival.
It was lucky that I had my harpoon in my hand. I could use it to chase away the swarms of monkeys that swarmed around me. However, all that was in vain: for every one that ran away, more came. I was forced to take every step like a man upon his guard.